Leaving Societal Norms Behind

It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

Why are people afraid to let more than 2 people raise a child? Oh no! Don’t give the child more people who can support and love him! And you don’t want those parents to have any actual help or breaks from their kids – that would be unAmerican! Christ, who are you to talk? Having lots of positive role models in a child’s life (no matter where those people fit into the relationship spectrum) is a GOOD thing! Now, don’t get me wrong…if your relationship is shit, then having one more person there isn’t going to make it better (add 4 more people and you’re fucked). Any negative situation will, obviously, negatively impact the child. But who says the relationship is negative just because you can’t comprehend there being more than 2 adults in a parent partnership? Sometimes more parents is just what a child needs. Heck, haven’t you heard the saying “it takes a village to raise a child”?


Calling all friends and relatives – HELP! Sometimes parents need help. With daycare so they can get to work (cost of living is high these days), or just so they can get a friggin’ break from the kids. Kids will wear you out and genuinely break your spirit on a regular basis. Parents definitely deserve some time to themselves. All is well and good if grandma or grandpa, or aunt and uncle, or cousin, or best friend Suzie, or whoever has a shit ton of free time and wants to watch the kids all the time. But some people don’t have the luxury of either being near their family, their family having free time to take care of their children, or maybe they don’t have any family or their family members are dicks. And even if grandma and auntie are able to watch the baby all the time…is it really that bad if there is another adult around who can help out? Call me crazy, but having all the help you can get sounds fucking fantastic to me.


Are you worried about the labels? What will they call the other people you’re involved with? First of all, does it matter? Secondly, I’m sure they can figure something out. Each situation is different, but I know for a fact if there are two moms they can be called differently like mama, mommy, mom, ma, etc. Shit, the kid can call them both mommy, honestly, the labels only help for distinction when the kid is calling out for somebody anyhow. Some people decide just to have their kids call their partners by their first names, or by auntie or uncle, or whatever have you. There are endless possibilities. You can make up a title for each person if you want to. But that’s how it works for relatives and friends as well. Labels are just whatever people decide to use, they don’t have to be something specific. No matter how many men, women, non-binary, third gender, or martians you have in your group of partners who will be helping to raise this child (or children) – there will always be a name or label for each individual. Don’t you worry.


But what will people think? Again, does it matter? I mean, really? Does it? People suck. They just do. They will judge you over the type of shoes you wear, or the brand of shampoo you buy. Do you really want these children to be raised thinking that what matters most is how other people are going to react to you? Screw that! Some people have issues with interracial couples, or gay couples, etc. etc. etc. Are you saying those couples shouldn’t be allowed to raise a kid together either? What will people think? No! That’s completely ridiculous! Exactly, my point is made. It is ridiculous to think people shouldn’t be able to raise a family together just because of the way that they are seen by other people. Anybody should be able to have the chance to raise a family with whomever they choose to (if they want to). Some people will choose not to have children at all, and that’s perfectly fine too. Just as you can’t go into someone’s love life and tell them whether or not to have a baby, you can’t reach into their life and tell them who to have a baby with (or who not to).


If there are 3 people all raising a child together (or 4, or 5, or 6, or 28 million)…just leave it alone. If the child is happy. If they are in a good, positive situation. Then what does it really matter who is providing that happy, good, positive situation? And that goes for single parents as well. Maybe having just 1 parent works best for them. Maybe that’s what they need right now. Maybe that’s what they want. Don’t judge them. Don’t judge anybody. Just let them be. Rejoice over the happiness, and the love, and the connection. Don’t get bogged down in the “but what if?” And if you’re even considering asking me about the sex life of all the adults who have decided to raise a child together, I’m literally going to punch you in the throat. A sex life is a private thing, whether you’ve got 2 adults or 50. Don’t be fucking stupid! There aren’t huge sex parties going on while the child is there eating dinner. What’s going on in here, I wonder. No. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just because someone loves more than one person doesn’t suddenly make that person a crazed sex maniac that you shouldn’t allow around children. Get your head out of your ass, you’re ridiculous for even thinking these things. Next you’ll say a single parent is unfit because they’ve got dildos in their house instead of humans (ha, like you aren’t hiding that shit all over your house, too).


Perhaps I’m a little off topic. Point is – if the child is happy and healthy, then nothing else matters. Literally nothing. Any configuration of humans can be fit to raise a child perfectly fine as long as they aren’t in an abusive situation. A child is raised by more people than simply his parents anyway. A child’s teacher, relatives, friends, the guy at the laundromat who spoke to him that one time, that old lady with all the cats you often walk by on your way home, some random people on the internet, the TV (and any other media in the world)…ALL go into raising a child. A child is not the product of one individual person, or one individual situation or experience. Why limit the variety of perspectives and support a child can have access to? Don’t you want the child to be well-rounded and open-minded? And compassionate? So, go ahead. Love those people for loving that child. The child deserves the love. And his parents do too.

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I am a pansexual, demisexual, greysexual, homoromantic, non-binary, transmasculine, genderfluid, solo-polyamorous relationship anarchist; as well as a plant-based Wiccan mama. I'm also neurodivergent, and overall identify as Queer. I love writing, photography, dancing, travel, hiking, cooking, gaming, planning, and motherhood.

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