Leaving Societal Norms Behind

A Letter to My Pre-Poly Self

A Letter to My Pre-Poly Self

Dear Me,

Now don’t freak out, yes this is you a mere 6 years in the future. I just want to help you get through one of the most rewarding but difficult times of your life’s journey, coming only second to parenthood. You are about to embark on a life change that will bring you so much closer to your true self so hang on, it is a bumpy ride. The name of the ride is Polyamory. You will have to keep your mind open and heart pure to help you, which will lead to tremendous growth. No worries, you will become even more of a badass person than you are now.

Polyamory is the ability or the need to have multiple partners each being a varying level of commitment with full disclosure to all parties. I know it sounds complicated and like a lot of work, but it’s so worth it, I promise.

Ok, so let’s get down to business. Here are a few important things I want you to keep in mind as you start this ride: Please be seated. Keep all hands and feet inside the care while the ride is moving. Hold on for your Life!

*Get to know your self. Be aware of your needs, wants and desires so you can communicate this to any potential partners. This will take time to do. It will take plenty of HONEST self reflection and patience. Yes I am fully aware patience is not a strong suit of ours. Do not worry! I promise you can learn.

*Now that we know ourselves better, you need to be true and confident in who you are. It is easy to fall back into old habits of making unnecessary concessions to please others, do not do it! The right people will come along who will love you for you just the way you are. Each will teach you even more about yourself and help you grow. Now do not get too excited, I do not mean height hun, you are still 5ft1.

*There will be people who will try to tell you what you’re feeling or what you want from life is wrong. Just because it goes against societal expectations or norms, does not mean you can not live for yourself and be happy. Surround yourself with those that truly care for your well-being. And get involved in the local poly community. You will feel accepted and know you are not alone in how you feel.

*Each of your partners will have different needs, wants and ways of communication. You need to take the time to get to know each other; being fluid, open-minded and honest with your partners. This will give each of you a safe place to grow together emotionally, encouraging the others’ passions. Accepting the knowledge that no one person can meet all of them is vital. That is the beauty of polyamory: that no one person has to be expected to meet every need, so no one feels that pressure. Here is a quote I once read that puts this into perspective: Monogamy is “You are my sun, my moon and my starts” Polyamory is “You are my sun, this person is my moon, and this person is my stars” Both people love the whole sky.

Ok, I don’t want to freak you out. Do not let any of this scare you. It will be difficult, but so worth it. You will face some of the biggest challenges and heartbreaks. But it also gives you fulfillment, self worth and being loved and loving at a level you never knew was possible. Take knowledge from your experiences and do not let your past dictate your future. There is no right or wrong way so embrace the journey. Hang on tight. Do not forget you are a badass, courageous and inspirational human being and that is Enough.


Future You

P.S. Try to watch sunrises and sunsets as often as you can. Love Yourself. Eat the ice cream and for the love of Pete call your Ma often, you’re gonna need her and she will hound you until you do.

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