I am truly grateful to have the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences with you all. Writing for me is cathartic, it is like a journal I share with the world. Well I have something exciting to share. I am in love. Deeply madly in love with someone who just appeared one day out of no where. This person has the ability to speak to my soul, does not judge or criticize me. They understand those things from my past have made me who I am today. Who is this person I speak of? It is ME!
As per my norm, when I began this article my goal was to talk about outside influences on your relationships. But my brain, heart and pen have other ideas. People can say all they want that they do not let others affect them or care about what others think of them. To be completely honest, which is the only way I know how to be, you can not keep outside influences from affecting you. The important part is how you react to them.
We have all had push back from others on what we should do, choices we make and what is best for us. *You are just doing this for them *It is just an excuse to control you *You can not Poly like that * You are just being selfish. Do you listen to them? Do you allow the influences or opinions of “loved” ones to affect you and your life? I used to. I was worried I was not being what I am supposed to be for everyone else. I did not think what I wanted or needed was a priority.
Now this is where my love story begins. I hope you appreciate that I put a lot of effort and thought into my outfit to make my flashy grand entrance. I am hoping sharing this triumph in my life will give you something to relate to and feel inspired even a tiny bit to be the truest you, you can be. It does not happen over night, you will make many mistakes. I can now look back in hindsight knowing I had to go through what I did to get here, to have the strength and knowledge to find my truest self and fall in love with her again.
I am sure you have heard that cheesy line…You are in control of your own destiny. Either from your Gram or Ma, off a meme on social media or even from any blinding white teethed motivational speaker.
Well this means you have a job to do Honey Child. Start by plugging your ears, close your eyes and play some Celtic music to keep your mind at peace…do not take advice or opinions of others as truth. They are mere suggestions. You are in control of your destiny. Get to know the real raw you. Know your wants and needs. And repeat to yourself as many times daily as you need it: You are a BEAUTIFUL you. You are a BRAVE you. You are a BADASS you.
You need to believe that in order to battle all those exterior affects and interior brain weasels, as I like to call them. As a beautiful brave badass you, you will be able to stand up for your choices made. You will know what your truth is. Keeping your private things private gives others less opportunity to add their 2 cents. Know what you need to say before speaking your truth. My wonderful man sent this to me and it spoke to my soul…
“I used to think that communication was key until I realized comprehension is.
You can communicate all you want to someone but if they do not understand you, it will not reach them the way you need it to”
Read that again…a couple times if necessary.
This process was very difficult for me, I can be slightly stubborn or at least that is what I have been told a time or two. Now please do not take as long as I did, the sooner you start the better your beautiful brave badassness comes in. It took my menopausal 47 year old behind a while to get my mind cleared out enough to see my truth close up. Looking back on patterns and habits I developed over the years, I had to fight through the layers of figurative calluses and scar tissue. I had to reteach myself healthier ways of coping with life’s inevitable trial and tribulations. But guess what? It was so worth it! I found my true self and she is a major badass, big boobs and mouth to boot.
Here are some of my truths I can share;
- I am not as tough as I portray myself to be, and that is enough
- My heart is pure and raw. I love quick. I love hard. I love loyal, and that is enough.
- It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help or admit you need to be taken care of, and that is enough.
- Know that I am enough. Enough of a beautiful brave badass to get that life I never dared to wish for. It will not be perfect, but I for one do find perfection boring. Once I realized I deserve the love of this person I’m going to hang on and cherish it.
Now not everyone wants to find a beautiful brave badass within themselves. But how I found my true self is that I thought of my 3 children and what I wanted them to see in themselves. They are all beautiful brave and badass in their own way. So it must be genetic, right? Look to yourself, your children or someone you truly admire. Pick the top characteristics you admire about them, then look within yourself. Start by cleaning out any cobwebs or clutter in your life. I promise if you put in the hard work, you will find your truth too.
If I can do it anyone can.
This lightness and freedom I have allotted myself has brought me so much happiness. My new theme song is “Unapologetically” by Kelsea Ballerini. Clearing away all that stuff has brought me the kind of love I never dared to have. I am unapologetically in love with myself. It is not conceit, it is self love and preservation. I can not expect to be able to truly love someone incredible unless I love myself. Now I have both.