Leaving Societal Norms Behind

Close Quarters: Living With My Polycule

Close Quarters: Living With My Polycule

Living with a partner is something most of us do in our lives. When you are polyamorous this is still a thing.

Most recently, my boyfriend and his wife have moved in with us. Us being my husband and I. We haven’t been living together for a very long time. Nor have we known each other for long either. But this is what we are doing and we are just rolling with it honestly. 

I want to keep this post pretty simple considering the length of time we have been together. Please, allow me to just dive right in.

Our Dynamic

Every polycule is different. Ours is no exception. Within the house, there are two “primary” couples and a “secondary” couple. That secondary couple is my boyfriend and I and the primaries would be the two married couples, boyfriend and his wife/ my husband and me.

Not everyone in the house is dating one another. 

Benefits of Co-habitation

There are a few benefits to cohabitation in polyamorous relationships, the obvious being I can see my boyfriend daily!

I don’t back out of hanging out being I am overwhelmed with dishes and being a stay at home mom. I have an extra pair of hands to keep that darn kitchen under control. 

Having extra people hasn’t been too much of hindrance. It has been the opposite. I feel a whole lot better about the things that overwhelmed me because I have a bigger support group now. 

The metas’ can get to know each other at a comfortable pace. We were all cool with living together having barely known each other but this doesn’t mean that we are obligated to form this intense relationship with our metas’.

I think there is a lot of pressure to set up a hang out session with a new meta. It is almost as if you are trying to date both people. Which is most certainly not what is happening. I will say it is important to me that my partners accept the fact that a particular person is their meta but it is definitely not a huge deal if they don’t hang out together.

Small Space Living

Our current living situation is pretty small. There are two bedrooms and 4 adults and a baby. 

Most people will agree that having individual spaces for each person is where it is at. However, I don’t have all that space. We do our best with current circumstances. Both couples come from an alternative living situation (My husband and I lived in a boat for 3.5 years) 2 bedrooms and 1.5 half bath is a huge increase in space. 

Our Spaces

Since we don’t have all this extra space to have individual places, most of the house is share in one way or another. Both primary couples’ rooms are private but not necessarily off-limits. The rest of the house is completely shared. 

Typically, our regular schedules allow for some alone time. A few hours here and there where the common areas of the house are free of anyone. The individual needs of each person vary, so we just do our best to communicate our needs if we need help achieving some solo or one on one time.

Boundaries

After about a week of living together, it dawned on me that I had missed a few things over the first week. The most important was laying boundaries down. With my primary, we know our boundaries and we had our routine. We still do. 

In all the excitement of having my boyfriend moving in, I was soaking up the new time I had with him. He was staying up later, we hung out all day. It’s honestly great.  However, I forgot that for a second we were also adults with other components in our lives. 

In laymen’s terms, my boyfriend and I were spending a lot of time together and my primary wasn’t getting his alone time with me.

We can chalk it up to New Relationship Energy, but this conversation isn’t about that. 

The point is that my boyfriend and I completely forgot to discuss these types of boundaries with each other. The next morning I messaged him and told him my realization.

At The End Of The Day

Cohabitating as a Polycule has been pretty fun and has most definitely made me feel vulnerable at times but it has been well worth the experience and growth. I feel a good amount of weight lifted off my shoulders with extra help. I can’t complain, it’s only gotten better as the weeks pass.

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