Leaving Societal Norms Behind

Part 7 – Happiest Moments (The “Our Story” Series)

Part 7 – Happiest Moments (The “Our Story” Series)

*Part 7 of a 10 Part Series of articles showing the diversity and authenticity within the Polyamorous Community.

Happy moments are what make life worth living – we all have at least a few. Of course, the hope is that the happy moments greatly outweigh any sad or angry or otherwise unpleasant moments…though that doesn’t always end up being the case. We each have our own individual stories to tell, and here you are able to hear about some of the joys of our participants. Polyamory is often viewed in 1 of 2 ways – either as a life of cheating, manipulation and crazy sex, or a rose-filtered romance of perfection and amazing family moments. Neither of those is the truth, at least not the full truth. There are moments of each, I’m sure, for at least some of us. Inevitably cheating and manipulation can occur, even us non-monogamous folks aren’t safe from that (though it typically isn’t the polyamorous ones doing the cheating and manipulating). And, yes, there can be tons of hot, crazy sex. There can also be lots of romance, or big happy families. Polyamory can consist of all, or none, of these things. There are definitely some happy moments, though. Here we will get to see up close and personal what those happy moments really look like in reality, across a diverse group of individuals in an array of polyamorous dynamics. Who couldn’t use some more happiness in their life? So without further ado…

We asked our respondents to describe the happiest moment they’ve had with polyamory. Here is what they had to say:

Appreciation

  • Getting to cuddle up with my now three partners watching our kids playing together happily. Everyone getting along and meshing well was so satisfying and affirming.
  • Establishing my first polyamorous relationship may have been my happiest moment. The connections were instant and the most intense relationship(s) I’ve ever experienced. It didn’t last, but I don’t regret it.
  • Every moment. I don’t know how but I have found myself in a polycule where we all exist so naturally together. Communication comes easily and we all hang out together and make sure everyone is included and feels welcome. I’ve never felt more comfortable simply existing.
  • My bf crashed his car, not badly no injuries, I showed my husband and he messaged my bf to make sure he was ok. That moment made me so happy.
  • Meeting my now poly partner love of my life.
  • When my husband and my partner met. A bit awkward at first but soon everything was fine, and it felt so good to have my loves together.
  • My happiest moments are when I apply something I learned from one partner, to the relationship with the other partner. I feel an overwhelming gratitude and willingness to be completely open; and always receive positive results from such “cross pollination”.
  • More and better sex with my wife.
  • Every time my partners do something sweet for me or my family. It makes me feel amazing!
  • We three live together, and everything is better! Just sitting in the same roomreading makes me smile and warms my heart.
  • Discovering it was something my SO actually wanted. Being allowed to pursue it openly. Finding new love at every turn.
  • Simply the realization that polyamory is in fact what I am capable of and what I have been missingin my life.
  • Having the safety and security of one and the fun loving spontaneity of the other.
  • When my girlfriend of 14 years asked me to be her husband’s Sub.
  • When my first wife and Irealized and agreed to bring a 3rd into our relationship to help fulfill her want and desires I could not fulfill. Neither one of us wanted to lose our relationship because of it, it worked great for us.
  • Marching in the dyke march this year at pride holding both of my partners hands. Feeling proud and queer AF.
  • Realizing we aren’t the only ones, that we aren’t just weird or dysfunctional.
  • Meeting each other.
  • My current moment.

Compersion

  • My happiest moment was when my np was telling me about a new guy he connected with. I could feel the excitement and joy. I also heard how he was getting something emotionally that I just can’t provide. He had told me how poly freed him from feeling like he had to provide all of my emotional support. That now made sense to me and I felt relief for me, tremendous joy for him, and just thought that poly is working exactly how it’s supposed to for us.
  • Since opening up our marriage to poly, I have not been able to find a partner, but I get a lot of joy from watching hubby and his boyfriend together. They’re so cute.
  • Watching my husband’s happiness!
  • The happiest experience I’ve had has been the slow realization amongst ourselves that we truly are social creatures that belong together. Experiencing compersion personally, and seeing them begin to experience it as well, for the first time. And just being part of this journey together despite what anyone else thinks.
  • Being able to see one of my partners talk about their partner with no fear. I love being able to see them happy and having the knowledge that they love me enough to talk about it to me.
  • The happiest moment so far has been when my husband found a girl who liked him and whom he liked. He was super giddy and felt very confident which is rare for him.
  • My happiness moment happened once after making love to my partner. She started to cry. They were clearly tears of joy. She proceeded to gush about how loved she felt by me and another of her lovers. Seeing someone feel so safe and engulfed in love was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed.
  • My happiest moment was when my boyfriend went on his first date, he came back SO excited. He had a lot of fun and enjoyed his time and was thankful to have been able to experience it without me being upset.
  • My wife coming home from dates, she’s always happier and treats me slightly better after, as though she appreciates me more every time.

Love

  • One morning my boyfriend had work early and the rest of us were off and able to stay in bed. The three of us were still cuddling in bed, as my boyfriend was getting dressed for work. Before he left, he climbed into bed and gave us all a hug and said “I finally found my ohana”.
  • Going out to dinner with my partner, my bf and his wife … we all talked like it was totally natural.
  • When I had two male partners and they both spent the night. Nothing sexual. We just all hung out and talked and cuddled and joked around – so much laughing. It was awesome!
  • I love when I get to do normal things with my poly family. Like group dates, or even cuddling on the couch watching a movie.
  • When my primary said “Relax, there are NO deal breakers as long as you are coming from a place of love and genuine desire.”
  • I don’t think this way. I have happy moments within my relationships, polyamorous or monogamous. I don’t allow the fact that I am polyamorous to dictate anything about my relationships, so it’s kind of irrelevant for me.
  • I love watching my husband and boyfriend get along over a beer, laugh at a joke even when it’s about me. They both love me and it feels good they both laugh at my same habits, issues. My hubs and boyfriend share a connection and that connection is me.
  • When I saw my girlfriend kiss my husband. We had been totally separate entities until then and it made my heart so happy.
  • When my meta told me she would love for me to live with her and my partner for as long as I wanted and my partner proposed to me shortly after.
  • My happiest moment was the night I celebrated my first anniversary with my girlfriend. Simply everything went right, and we were both aglow and content.
  • My happiest moments are when a variety of lovers and metas gather together in shared space for some tribal time.
  • It is hard to share a happiest moment because many of them come with the ending of things not working out. For now, I think I want to reserve what I deem my happiest moment.
  • I think the feeling of multiple love, of being out with one partner, and then coming home to the other. Just that moment was enriching and beautiful, to know that I love two people, that I care deeply for two people that I would do anything for.
  • Going on a camping trip with my two boyfriends and spending quality alone time with each of them.
  • My happiest moment in polyamory is when my wife handed my girlfriend our daughter to hold for the for the first time. I thought, we can really do this.
  • Reconnecting with a beloved person, finding the love is still there for both of us, and having the space in both of our worlds to pursue what could be.
  • Being loved by both people. They are 2 different loves.
  • Any time my partners and I come together and enjoy each other’s company. Special holidays and birthdays seem to have more love and fun. Last year’s Thanksgiving was the best one I’ve ever experienced!

Stay tuned for PART 8 of the “Our Story” Series!

TERMS DEFINED:

Nesting Partner (NP) – A partner with whom you share a home. Can include marriage, or children, but does not require either of those things. Essentially it is just about who you come home to at night. Not everyone has a nesting partner, and not everyone would refer to the partner they live with as a nesting partner, but it can be a common term used in the polyamorous community to quickly explain the dynamic between partners who live together.

Compersion – Finding joy in the joy of your loved ones, or pleasure in their pleasure. Typically referring to those you are partnered with and the way they feel with their other partners, but has been expanding to encompass all people you may have a connection to. Often deemed the opposed of jealousy (though it is possible for both things to exist at the same time).

Metamour (Meta) – A partner of your partner (your partner’s partner). There isn’t another positive term for the connection between two people who happen to be dating the same person, so one was created within the polyamorous (and broader non-monogamous) community. Some people have very happy, healthy, and even close relationships with their metamours, and some aren’t close at all, don’t even speak, or hate each other. It is what it is. Sometimes personalities clash since your partner may enjoy the company of people you do not like. There is no requirement that you become friends with your metamour, although a lot of people find that to be the ideal situation.

Significant Other (SO) – Another name for one’s partner, or lover, or close companion. Most often used to refer to someone you are dating or otherwise romantically entwined with.

Queer – Can be used to mean anything outside the ordinary, typically referring to a sexual orientation other than heterosexual, although it can also refer to anyone who is not cisgender (or otherwise under the transgender umbrella). Some people use it to me especially quirky or different than others, or unique.

Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism (BDSM) – Covers a huge range of tastes and activities, with endless variations. Often times associated with kink, though not all kinks have to do with BDSM. These practices can be erotic, include role-playing, and often include using safewords. Can be conducted in-person, online, over the phone, or in any other number of ways. Some people see these practices as a hobby, some see them as a lifestyle, and others use them as identifying factors of who they are as people. Can be extremely healthy, and therapeutic even, when practiced safely. Each label within the BDSM acronym is often cut short (such as Dom/Sub).

*For more Polyamorous terminology, we recommend reading through this list created by More Than Two: Polyamory 101

Community Projects

Our Story #2

If you’d like to be an anonymous participant for our next series of community representing articles (titled “Our Story #2”), please complete the following questionnaire:

“Our Story #2” Series Questionnaire

Your responses will help showcase our community’s diversity, promote a positive polyamorous representation, and help give advice/guidance/support and information to those newly coming into polyamory, as well as those currently living polyamorously. Our main focus for the “Our Story #2” series will be how to create and maintain healthy relationships within the constructs of polyamory, whereas our focus for the 1st “Our Story” was a more general overview of polyamory.

The new series “Our Story #2” will be published after the last piece of our 10 part “Our Story” series is complete. Stay tuned for all 10 parts of the “Our Story” series, as well as the upcoming “Our Story #2” series.

**THIS QUESTIONNAIRE IS COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS! DO NOT PROVIDE ANYONE’S NAMES OR ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION!

Our Story – was a series that covered general topics in order to both introduce the world to polyamory, as well as normalize it and showcase its diversity. (The article series will be available on our website starting January 1st…each part of the 10 part series will be published 2 weeks apart.)

Our Story #2 – is a series that is focused on how to create and maintain healthy relationships within the constructs of polyamory.

ALL submissions are anonymous, and will be combined to create a comprehensive guide to help polyamorous people maneuver the ups and downs of relationships. Everyone is different, and therefore everyone deals with their emotions in different ways. Emotions affect the way in which we communicate, act, and love. Sharing your own suggestions, for things that have benefited or helped you in some way, will greatly impact our Polyamorous community as a whole in a positive way. The best advice FOR the Polyamorous community, comes FROM the Polyamorous community!

If you’d like to participate in this questionnaire, please click HERE.

“The Art of a Polycule” Project​

We are starting a new project to artistically represent the relationship dynamic diversity within our community. This project will be art based, and will showcase the way in which a variety of community members construct their relationship dynamics. In order to be an anonymous contributor to this project, you must send in an image representation (something self-drawn; by hand, or other media means) that details your polycule structure.

Rules for art submissions are displayed below:

  1. You may include as many people as you feel best represents your polycule (including partners, metamours, metamour’s partners, platonic relationships, etc.); but NO friends, family, children, pets, or the like.
  2. The polycule must start with YOU, this is a representation of YOUR structural relationship dynamics.
  3. This is anonymous! As such, no names shall be given for any of the people in your polycule.
  4. Your drawing must be designed in the following way (Each person drawn must be a shape, and each connection between them must be presented as lines.):

-You will be a black dot.

-Your partners will be red hearts.

-Your metamours will be blue triangles.

-Additional partners (of your metamours, or of their partners, depending on how far you feel your polycule extends) can be drawn as green squares.

-The lines between romantic partners will be solid pink.

-The lines between platonic partners will be dotted yellow.

-Do NOT draw lines between you and your metamours, unless you consider them to be a romantic or platonic partner.

ALL SUBMISSIONS will be re-constructed and formatted into a new design that will be extended to all pieces so that the arrangement and visual product is smooth and congruent. So don’t worry if your artistic abilities aren’t the best, it’s the information about the polycule formation that matters most, not how well you can draw it. Your original product will not be on display, only our finished product with the polycule dynamics we have collected from the community. This isn’t a contest, we are looking for contributions from everyone (no matter your level of artistic ability).

**Send submissions to our CEO:

Jauni@PolyamorousLiving.com

**Thank you to all who have chosen to contribute to our polyamorous projects!

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J

I am a gender fluid pansexual vegan Wiccan mama who is polyamorous (and forms connections through the freedom of relationship anarchy). I love writing, photography, dancing, travel, hiking, cooking, kissing, and motherhood.


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