Leaving Societal Norms Behind



We have a variety of categories that we use to organize our articles, this includes 4 main categories (each with their own subcategories). Some articles are under multiple categories, whereas others are listed under only 1 category. We try our best to categorize our articles so they can be found easily and are relevant to those searching for a certain topic. However, some articles span over multiple topics and may not relate to everyone under a specific category. Note that some articles may be under only top categories and no subcategories, or conversely under only subcategories and not listed under the main category. This is because there are circumstances that occasionally separate these categories (such as sexual relationships that do not involve dating, a parenting article that isn’t about one’s identity as a parent, or a discussion about identity without coverage on any of the subcategories we provide).

Our Identity category covers all things that make you who you are; this includes your roles in life and relationships. Our Dating category covers all aspects of dating from opening up to cohabitation and sex. Our Community category covers all things about the Polyamorous community as a whole, as well as Community Projects, and any other articles that involve community components. Some community articles are also considered columns, such as the “Our Story” Series. Though these columns are not specified in the columns list, you will find them within the columns category. Our Columns category is unique in that it isn’t a specific topic, but encompasses all the columns written by our columnists (opposed to free form articles written by our freelance journalists) – these columns typically over a specific topic over multiple articles, though some may be setup in a different format. The Columns category will show you ALL columns written on our site, to see only all articles in a specific column you must click on the subcategory for that column. We also have a separate Columns Page that goes into more detail about the purpose of each column, highlights the columnists who wrote the columns, and further discusses our columns at length.

Beyond these main and sub- categories we also have a Poetry category, a Journal category, and a category to keep all of the Messages to Our Readers. These categories are not listed the same as other categories as they are not available categories for all our contributors to use and are mainly used by our upper staff, such as the CEO, the Creative Director, and the PL Admin. Our Messages to Our Readers category, for example, is mainly just announcements or advertisements from the PL Admin team. However, you are free to browse through these categories as freely as any other category.

We have 4 different subcategories under the category Identity.

These subcategories are:

We have 8 different subcategories under the category Dating.

These subcategories are:

We currently have 4 different subcategories under the category Community.

These subcategories are:

We currently have 5 different subcategories under the category Columns.

These subcategories are:

The “Our Story #2” Series & The “Our Story – Highlights” Series are both still in the interview phase. Click on one of them to be taken to the questionnaire. The “Our Story – Highlights” Series has multiple questionnaires. Depending on how you identify will determine which questionnaire you should answer. Here are the options below. Remember ONLY to answer the questionnaires that relate to your identity (however, you can answer more than one questionnaire if multiple questionnaires apply):

If you identify as any form of asexual – answer the Asexual questionnaire. If you identify as bisexual or pansexual – answer the Bisexual/Pansexual questionnaire. If you identify as transgender, at any point on the spectrum – answer the Transgender questionnaire. If you identify as homosexual – answer the Homosexual questionnaire. If you are the monogamous partner to a polyamorous person – answer the Monogamous Partner questionnaire. All questionnaires are 100% anonymous!!

***Dating Detective & Out + Proud are both newly added columns. There are currently no articles under those categories, but stay-tuned as there should be some articles out soon!

[Abuse is a new subcategory we just recently added. We felt that it was an important topic to cover and wanted to make sure there was a way for people to quickly access the information we share about abuse. So you can now simply click on the abuse category and it will take you to all our articles/columns about abuse.]

Category-Related Quotes

Here are some quotes that we liked that seemed to fit into one or another category. Quotes to inspire you and make you think. Quotes to relate to and others to help you understand the diversity.


“I believe with all my heart that the cliches are true, that we are our own best friends and best company, and that if you’re not right for yourself, it’s impossible to be right for anyone.”

― Rachel Machacek, The Science of Single: One Woman’s Grand Experiment in Modern Dating, Creating Chemistry, and Finding L ove

“Love has no gender – compassion has no religion – character has no race.” 

― Abhijit Naskar, Either Civilized or Phobic: A Treatise on Homosexuality

“Better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away with nothing than play it safe. Love is a lot of things, but ‘safe’ isn’t one of them.” 

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“Silence does not mean yes. No can be thought and felt but never said. It can be screamed silently on the inside. It can be in the wordless stone of a clenched fist, fingernails digging into palm. Her lips sealed. Her eyes closed. His body just taking, never asking, never taught to question silence.”

― Amy Reed, The Nowhere Girls

“It is not possible to preserve one’s identity by adjusting for any length of time to a frame of reference that is in itself destructive to it. It is very hard indeed for a human being to sustain such an ‘inner’ split – conforming outwardly to one reality, while trying to maintain inwardly the value it denies.” 

― Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique

“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” 

― Gloria Steinem

“We don’t fall in love with someone. We discover love in someone!” 

― Avijeet Das

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”

― Bill Ayers

“If you lose your ego, you lose the thread of that narrative you call your Self. Humans, however, can’t live very long without some sense of a continuing story. Such stories go beyond the limited rational system (or the systematic rationality) with which you surround yourself; they are crucial keys to sharing time-experience with others. 

Now a narrative is a story, not a logic, nor ethics, nor philosophy. It is a dream you keep having, whether you realize it or not. Just as surely as you breathe, you go on ceaselessly dreaming your story. And in these stories you wear two faces. You are simultaneously subject and object. You are a whole and you are a part. You are real and you are shadow. “Storyteller” and at the same time “character”. It is through such multilayering of roles in our stories that we heal the loneliness of being an isolated individual in the world. 

Yet without a proper ego nobody can create a personal narrative, any more than you can drive a car without an engine, or cast a shadow without a real physical object. But once you’ve consigned your ego to someone else, where on earth do you go from there?

At this point you receive a new narrative from the person to whom you have entrusted your ego. You’ve handed over the real thing, so what comes back is a shadow. And once your ego has merged with another ego, your narrative will necessarily take on the narrative created by that ego.

Just what kind of narrative?

It needn’t be anything particularly fancy, nothing complicated or refined. You don’t need to have literary ambitions. In fact, the sketchier and simpler the better. Junk, a leftover rehash will do. Anyway, most people are tired of complex, multilayered scenarios-they are a potential letdown. It’s precisely because people can’t find any fixed point within their own multilayered schemes that they’re tossing aside their own self-identity.” 

― Haruki Murakami, Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche

“Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong…it is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideas.”

― Emma Watson

“Consent can be sexy! Reframing a question as part of seduction/foreplay allows couples to be clear about what kind of sexual activity is allowed while keeping the mood alive. Saying, “I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss you” in a soft, seductive tone can feel easier (and hotter) in a steamy moment than, “Do you mind if I kiss you?” 

― Elle Chase, Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life

“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

“You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.”

― Bob Marley

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”

― Marilyn Monroe

“I am a rare species, not a stereotype.” 

― Ivan Coyote

“Tell her that her body belongs to her and her alone, that she should never feel the need to say yes to something she does not want, or something she feels pressured to do. Teach her that saying no when no feels right is something to be proud of.”

― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

“I don’t identify as transgender. But I’m clearly gender not-normal. I don’t think even lesbian is the right identity for me. I really don’t. I might as well come out now. I identify as tired. I’m just tired.” 

― Hannah Gadsby

“It is our wounds that create in us a desire to reach for miracles. The fulfillment of such miracles depends on whether we let our wounds pull us down or lift us up towards our dreams.” 

― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart

“So now I’m thinking about it. I’m imagining sitting down with my parents and actually saying, “I’m gay.” And you know what? It makes me a little mad. I mean, straight guys don’t have to sit their parents down and tell them they like girls.” 

― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

“What matters most is not ‘what’ you are, but ‘who’ you are.”

― DaShanne Stokes

“It is fatal to be a man or woman pure and simple; one must be woman-manly or man-womanly. … Some marriage of opposites has to be consummated.” 

― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

“Girls can be athletic. Guys can have feelings. Girls can be smart. Guys can be creative. And vice versa. Gender is specific only to your reproductive organs (and sometimes not even to those), not your interest, likes, dislikes, goals, and ambitions.”

― Connor Franta, A Work in Progress

“I reserve the right to love many different people at once, and to change my prince often.”

― Anaïs Nin

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” 

― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” 

― Henry Winkler

“Either you are homophobic or you are a human – you cannot be both.” 

“Being homosexual is no more abnormal than being lefthanded.” 

― Abhijit Naskar, Either Civilized or Phobic: A Treatise on Homosexuality

“The point for me is to create relationships based on deeper and more real notions of trust. So that love becomes defined not by sexual exclusivity, but by actual respect, concern, commitment to act with kind intentions, accountability for our actions, and a desire for mutual growth.”

― Dean Spade

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.” 

― William Martin, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground for yourself, to create a space for yourself, to stand there and say, ‘I exist. I have no reason to feel guilt or shame. I am proud to exist, and while I’m not perfect, I deserve to exist in society just like anyone else.’

This became my first big fight.

While I consider myself to be fantastically boring, I realized that if I took on my own sexual identity and came out and just told people about it and tried to have a chat with them—tried to be offhand and casual about it—and tried to build our place in society and humanity, then that would be a good mission. This is where I exist in society. I am just this guy. I am transgender, and I exist. But that is just my sexuality. More important than that is that I perform comedy, I perform drama, I run marathons, and I’m an activist in politics. These are the things I do. How you self-identify with your sexuality matters not one wit. What you do in life—what you do to add to the human existence—that is what matters. That is the beautiful thing.”

― Eddie Izzard, Believe Me: A Memoir of Love, Death, and Jazz Chickens

“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience – or to fake – a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values – and can be nothing else.” 

― Ayn Rand

“This is what consent culture means. It means expecting more — demanding more. It means treating one another as complex human beings with agency and desire, not just once, but continually. It means adjusting our ideas of dating and sexuality beyond the process of prying a grudging “yes” out of another human being. Ideally you want them to say it again, and again, and mean it every time. Not just because it’s hotter that way, although it absolutely is; consent doesn’t have to be sexy to be centrally important. But because when you get down to it, sexuality should not be about arguing over what you can get away with and still call consensual.”

― Laurie Penny

“In a world where positive expressions of sexual longing connect us we will all be free to choose those sexual practices which affirm and nurture our growth. Those practices may range from choosing promiscuity or celibacy, from embracing one specific sexual identity and preference or choosing a roaming uncharted desire that is kindled only by interaction and engagement with specific individuals with whom we feel the spark of erotic recognition no matter their sex, race, class, or even their sexual preference. Radical feminist dialogues about sexuality must surface so that the movement towards sexual freedom can begin again.”

― Bell Hooks

“Nobody can give up rain and nobody can give up love because the former makes this life possible and the latter makes it meaningful!”

― Mehmet Murat ildan

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” 

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” 

― Fyodor Dostoevsky

“Love is when you can understand each other’s silences.” 

― Avijeet Das

“A world where it is safe to love is a world where it is safe to live” 

― Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.”

― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

― Woody Allen

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me. ” 

― Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.”

― Isabel Allende

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ” 

― Betty Friedan

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” 

― George Bernard Shaw

“ Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil, once love has taken root.”

― Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”

― Debra Ginsberg

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” 

― Fred Rogers

“Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else … Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.”

― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” 

― Marilyn Monroe

“It’s okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn’t give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don’t like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing when you read it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.” 

― Ashly Lorenzana

“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.”

Maya Angelou

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” 

― Andre Gide, Autumn Leaves

“Many times in life I’ve regretted the things I’ve said without thinking. But I’ve never regretted the things I said nearly as much as the words I left unspoken.” 

― Lisa Kleypas, Sugar Daddy

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” 

― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

“Love is a strange feeling! And you cannot understand what happens to you when it does happen to you. Some days you feel as if you are floating over the wispy clouds and the majestic mountains. Other days you feel as if you are swimming alongside the beautiful myriad colored fishes in the vast ocean. Some days you feel as if you can understand the language of the birds and the bees and other days you feel as if the walls and doors are talking to you!”

― Avijeet Das

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect—you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” 

― Bob Marley


Our identity is who we are. It encompasses all internal and external pieces of our being. It’s what makes us who we are. 

There are many components that go into crafting ones identity; such as religion and childhood experiences. On Polyamorous Living we focus on specific aspects of identity that cover both the non-monogamous components, as well as the LGBTQIA+ components. Check out our articles on Identity, here.


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We also have a plethora of different dating related articles for you to gorge yourself on. Check out all our articles under our Dating category, here.

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